Tuesday, October 20, 2015

It's been a very long time since my last post. A very long time.
Many things changed. I've changed...

And Today is my birthday.
Thank You Dear God. Thank You for every second spend. I've been so very blessed. You let me see this day. πŸ™
I know that my God loves me so much.

Today I just wanna say that I am not perfect. Not perfect at all.
I've done mistakes that I'm fully aware of. And I just wanna say I'm sorry.
And also, I'm scared of too many things.
I hide from the things around me, so as not to be afraid.
To be strong. To be able to stand.

I don't tell this to many people. In fact, I don't tell this to people. 😊
May be the peoples I tell this, they don't realize that I'm actually scared. That I'm such a coward. 😁
But that's OK.
It's not their fault.
I'm glad that they even make time to hear me complaining.
Thank You. πŸ™

Thank You Dear Jesus. Because You still love me. Even though I'm such a coward.
Thank You for every breath. Every great moments. Every ups. Every mountain. Every happy tears.

Thank you dear friends, for keeping up with my weirdness. For being there for me. For every laughs.
Please be there with me... ☺️☺️


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

How sad that I'm crying for someone I thought cares for me, but he stops.
Done! πŸ˜₯😰

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

i'm on lebaran holiday and has this mellow feeling. 
you know...
i've been thinking...
after seeing that happy picture of you, i smiled. 
and i think i'll be just fine without you...
i'll be very sad for somewhile. 
but think i'll be alright. 
things will be just like the old days. but fine...
think i'm ready to let you go
just a little more time...

Saturday, January 25, 2014

You know,
Ada waktunya di hidup gue, dimana gue ngerasa low banget.

That is me today. Feeling so low...
What have I done wrong??!!
I feel like crying. But I actually can't.
May be I just need a hug.

And so this quote suits me best today,
I should try this!

...when I get sad,
I stop being sad
and be Awesome instead...


Saturday, January 11, 2014

Begini toh rasanya kalo jadi orang salah. Ngga enak.
Perih bow. Perihhh!!! 😭😭😭

Mari kembali ke jalan yang benar...
So help me God. πŸ™

Saturday, December 28, 2013


udah lama banget ga nulis yang agak panjang ya.
well, i've been avoiding computers lately. because actually i kinda feel tired. computers to me means work. and i kinda want to avoid work for a while. :)

well, walopun sekarang gue juga lagi di depan komputer karna harus bikin deadline yang gue janjiin nanti malem gue kirim. well, ngga nyesel sih bikin yang ini. secara ini juga bukan kerjaan kantor. i know i would get paid just to do get it done tonight. :)
although may be it would mean that i can not go anywhere today.
but it's okay. it's kinda my plan today.
to go nowhere today… :)

sebenernya udah dari beberapa hari yang lalu gue pengen cerita aja kalo gue merasa udah bikin sesuatu yang salah. tapi yang salah ini bikin gue sangaaaattt happy.
baru sekarang gue tau kalo memang yang salah-salah itu memang sering banget malah bikin happy. jadi terasa benar. heheheh.

gue pernah cerita di blog ini kalo gue pernah ketemu orang yang baiiiikkk banget. sampe sekarang dia juga masih baik. cuma sekarang dia baik bukan cuma buat gue. :)
gue memang tau kalo kesempatan itu mungkin ga dateng 2 kali. maksudnya belom tentu gue bisa ketemu lagi dengan orang yang baiiiiikkk juga.
dan sungguh gue ngga nyangka kalo sekarang gue beruntung banget bisa ketemu orang yang baiiiikkkk banget lagi, dan bisa bikin gue happy, terus senyum.

biarpun lagi capek, gue bisa jadi senyum.
waktu gue bosen, in which this happens a lot, gue bisa jadi ngga bosen.

gue tau ini pasti cuma karena gue aja. gue emang suka ge-er ga jelas.
so i kinda wanna put that in my head right now. :))
yaudah segitu aja.
gue cuma pengen cerita itu. :)

Thursday, December 12, 2013

I can't believe it...
Sekarang ini,
Gw literally lagi nangis sendirian dipojokan. 


Saturday, October 12, 2013

After gudeg
A plate of fruit
A cup of avocado ice cream

Can i just cry now...

Happy wedding koko.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel that you are the source of a failure?
I have. Today! Sad as it is... And i'm very sorry...
Today may not be the first time i've done and felt this, but i pray that let this be the last time. Amin... πŸ™

Although i think i have done my best to do what i do, but it just not felt good enough. I feel that i could have done something more to it. I don't know what, but one thing for sure, i know i could and should talk smoothly, not staggering. πŸ˜”

Everybody knows that it is not easy to present something, specially where the pressure is hard. And it specially wasn't easy for me.
I know i have issue with my speech...
Many times when i over think of something, i couldn't think and specially could not talk for a presentation. It took me quite a while to calm myself and then be able to talk in front of a forum. It took me a lot of practice and a lot of self-encouragement words to be able to do a speech in front of public.
It must be because i really am not used to talk to people. I many times just silenced myself and prevent myself from talking.
I know i shouldn't do that...
Mood also contribute a lot to my condition. I many times surrender easily to my mood. And that is bad.

I try to remind myself about this. I try my best to learn to fight the mood, the fear and then teach myself to fly out of my comfort zone so that they may know that i am that good, that they can not ignore...

So help me God. 😊

Thursday, July 18, 2013

rasanya kangen sesuatu deh.
kangen jalan-jalan udah pasti. rasanya udah lamaaaa banget ngga packing terus jalan kemana gitu. liat apa yang seru. ngerasain sesuatu yang baru.

pengen banget jalan kemana gitu. tapi sampe sekarang gue masih belum ada pikiran pengen kemana. hari gini tahun lalu gue udah punya tiket sampe akhir tahun, sekarang, satu tiket pun gue ngga punya.
pengen beli tiket, tapi ngga tau kemana, sama siapa, mau ngapain, apa yang pengen diliat.
ngga ada hasrat. kurang hasratnya ngga kaya tahun lalu.
tapi gue tetep pengen jalan...

tadi bos gue bilang, kalo rencana gue untuk bikin program keluar negeri mungkin akan kejadian.
kalo emang bener. semoga bener ya.
amin... amin... amin..,
that would be my break. ;)
semoga bener kejadian. hehehe.

yaudah gitu aja.
gue kangen sesuatu...

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

accomplishment this month

karena ini tempat curhat, jadi gue mau curhat aja.
kerjaan gue banyak deh. saking banyaknya jadi males. bingung sendiri mau bikin yang mana duluan. jadi kayanya mendingan dibiarin ajah. hahahaha. gak mungkin banget... :))

kemarin gue abis suting sama idola. ahaii.
ini idola, dari yang bikin gue seneng banget cenderung bangga bisa kerja bareng dia, sampe bikin gue sebel, ill feel, flat, terus sekarang lumayan lah. seneng lagi. hehehe. *teteplabil* :P
tapi beneran loh, buset banget deh. manja banget menurut gue dia. anak mami luar biasa. walopun penampilannya itu garang, kayanya macho banget. padahal ya gitu... menye juga.

saking idolanya dia, sampe kita kalo mau kerja sama dia harus jagain moodnya dia. hehehe. tapi untung dia udah gue pegang. hehehe.
yang ini beneran bangga gue. bisa bikin dia bikin apa yang gue suruh. gue cuma mention aja yang gue mau, dibikin sama dia. hahahahaha. bahkan ada manager kantor gue yang ngurusin artis aja ngga bisa ngurusin dia. gue, yaah, Thank God, bisa lah. :)) *banggabanget. :D

ini bukan tanpa perjuangan loh. susyeeeh bener ngurusin dia.
countless words i have to send through bbm, numerous emails, a few phone calls, and not to mention ignorant attitudes mixed with lots of nice words. and there you go, i had him finally...

gue mau cerita itu ajah.
my accomplishment this month.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

crash and burn

suatu hari gue pernah nonton acara di tv. ada seorang tokoh idola yang digemari semua orang.
gue sadar banget ini bisnis tv. artinya semua orang akan mencari siapa yang menjadi idola dan bisa di idolakan. tapi bukan ini yang gue mo bilang. gue mau cerita kalo sekarang gue kerja sama seorang idola...

idola ini rasanya orangnya emang nyebelin. rese. kalo kata orang bule dia itu 'a handful to take care of'. yaa... gitu. saking handfulnya musti di handle with care. :)

sebagai bagian dari orang yang bikin acaranya, emang udah jadi bagian gue untuk ngurusin dia. apalagi karena orang-orang taunya dia rese itu. jadilah gue ikutan ngurusin dia. dan bukannya nyebelin sih, gue malah sekarang agak suka ngurusin dia. hehehe (agak salah nih. hehehe).

ini yang salah dari gue. gue terlalu deep di program ini. padahal harusnya ngga. gue harusnya maintain kalo gue tuh orang yang jarang muncul dan bikin orang penasaran. hahahaha.

kemaren itu, gue sempet karena gue ngerasa terlalu deep di program ini sampe gue dicari-cariin sama dia muluk untuk diajakin ngobrol padahal gue jauh banget lokasinya, dan gue jadinya sebel gitu. kan capek kalo gue harus nyamperin dia. sampe gue ngomong hal yang bikin gue nyesel sendiri. gue ngomong yang sebenernya gue ngga mau.
dan gue mau bilang disini kalo gue ngga mau ngomong lagi yang ngga gue mau. gue mau diem aja ah kalo gue harus ngomong sesuatu yang gue ngga mau besok-besok. biarpun gue lagi kesel karena capek. hehehe.
kemaren itu gue bilang kalo gue ngga mau terlalu deep lagi, terus gue ngga mau lagi digangguin.
terus ternyata setelah gue pikir-pikir sekarang ini, gue mau loh digangguin. hehehe. *labil*.

ya udah, mulai dari sekarang gue mau selalu inget.
"be careful what you wish for, you might get it".
and i want it.